Manflesh of the Month: Prof Brian Cox

DOCTOR Brian Cox

The Hots for Cox, I suppose is what you would call it. It’s a chronic affliction that’s never really gone into remission. Because when you just need some hard, hot particle physics and astronomy flung at you at 99.999999% the speed of light*, Coxy is the man for the job. The flash from his constant grin nearly defies natural laws. I mean, if you’re a Brit, and you’ve got teeth like that, why wouldn’t you be the smiliest person in your nation?

He’s made of charm quarks

Now, sure, he’s a cutie, but lest you be mistaken, and think I so mindlessly fell for something so easy on the eyes, Brian meets (and exceeds) the legal definition of a massive nerd. 

Just look you here.

The story goes that when Eric Idle and Dr. Hawking re-recorded the Monty Python classic “The Galaxy Song,” Brian pointed out that the lyrics weren’t exactly accurate and Stephen told Brian to stop being so pedantic. This is the caliber of geek we’re dealing with. 

Now, how I got introduced to Brian… it was definitely in early 2011, when his two excellent “Wonders” series were in full swing on the internets. I must have stumbled on him watching NOVA on PBS or the Science Channel. I also dug up on YouTube what I believe was his first appearance in a documentary in 2007/8? It was about CERN and the ATLAS experiment, which is where he was working at the time. He was one of a dozen or so physicists that were featured, but obviously his appealing face and Manc accent and his being a keyboard player for both Dare and D:Ream in a former life made him stand out amongst the other proton pushers. 

OMG that’s IT! I remember now… I was on an unstoppable Carl Sagan tear and I was reading his books and watching Cosmos over and over and something pointed me in Brian’s direction due to his similarly groovy hair and tendency to grin out at the stars, as if those heavenly balls of fiery plasma were powered by their pure, uncut curiosity. So hot.

I’ve read almost all of Brian’s books, one of which (Why Does E = mc²?) I’ve read thrice now, since special relativity is a heavy lift, mentally, if you don’t actually contemplate it on the regular. Of course, I’ve watched all of Brian’s documentaries over the years, drawn to them like a moth to a telescope. I’ve squeed at his appearances on Colbert and Conan and his discussions with Neil DeGrasse Tyson, always up for crossover fangirling. He even popped into a Doctor Who special or two, because why not? 

My favorite moments are when Brian gets cheeky or excited. I love how he says “steaming bollocks” when it comes to science deniers, or how giggly and bemused he gets when presented with biology. The FACE he makes when he meets a catfish for the first time—priceless. The singularly most endearing thing he’s ever done IMHO, is when he was a guest on Johnathan Ross, and Wossy made Brian laugh so hard he snorted. This is partially Narcissism, since I also snort when I laugh hard enough, but also, it pleases me that such a sound could emanate from someone otherwise so eloquent and mannered. Subsequent televisual evidence of Brian’s off-camera laddishness has only made him all the more enchanting. 

And he very genuinely doesn’t know what a Nutri-bullet is. Just like how Cillian Murphy nonchalantly asked an interviewer “What’s a meme?” That’s my new micro-sexuality: men who blithely stay off the internet. 

BLESS

Brian is mostly an adult, after all. When he starts in on an argument about climate change or black holes or what have you, it gets steamier than a Hero’s engine. I live in Florida, so that’s saying a lot. 

The famous Brians

The levels of unadulterated geekiness he achieves are laudable, even if he still manifests his obvious titillation with a goodly amount of dry, understated Britishness. It’s hilarious, really. The grinning is all he can do to let out the head of steam in his heart and brain as he beholds some beautiful mountainside view after making a bold, confident statement about some scientific mindfuckery. The giggling comes after the camera stops. 

I leave you with this lovely evidence. You’re welcome.

P.S. I always hear the Life of Brian song in my head when I think of him. Every damn time.

BONUS HAIR and CHEEKBONES:

Luxurious coif action

What is even happening here

* This is the exact speed of the hadrons in the supercollider at CERN, BTW, I did not pull a number out of my bum